They Lied About What Success Really Is

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Let’s dive in.

Years ago, I heard a story that changed how I think about success forever.

It goes like this:

A successful management consultant was vacationing in a small coastal village when he noticed a fisherman docking his small boat. Inside were a few large, glistening fish.

The consultant complimented the fisherman on the quality of his catch and asked how long it had taken him to catch them.

"Only a little while," the fisherman replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the consultant asked.

The fisherman smiled and said, "I have enough to support my family’s needs."

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?" pressed the consultant.

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends."

The consultant, full of ambition, couldn’t help himself.

"I have an MBA," he said. "I could help you. You should fish longer. With the extra profits, you could buy a bigger boat. Then several boats. Eventually, you could open a cannery, move to a big city like New York, and run a global operation."

The fisherman asked, "But how long will this take?"

"About 15–20 years," said the consultant.

"And then what?" asked the fisherman.

"That's the best part," the consultant beamed. "You could sell your company, become very rich, and retire. Then you could move to a small village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas, stroll to the village, sip wine, and play guitar with your friends."

The fisherman smiled gently and said, "Isn’t that what I'm doing now?"

When I first heard this story, it hit me like a freight train.

Because this is exactly what society does to us—

It tells us that success is always somewhere out there:

• The grander title

• The bigger house

• The heftier portfolio

It’s easy to get caught chasing someone else’s definition without ever asking why.

Without realizing you might already have everything you need for a rich, meaningful life.

But here’s the truth:

You don't have to live by anyone else’s definition of success. You get to choose.

And it's critical that you do.

Because climbing higher doesn’t matter if your ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.

Maybe success for you looks completely different from what your friends, your mentors, or even your family think it should be.

And that’s not just okay—that’s powerful.

Real success isn’t about chasing what looks good from the outside.

It’s about creating a life that feels good on the inside.

But how do you figure out what that actually means for you?

Luckily, psychology gives us two incredibly useful tools.

Self-Determination Theory says humans are most fulfilled when 3 core needs are met:

• Autonomy: I get to choose.

• Competence: I’m good at what I’m doing (or getting better).

• Relatedness: I feel connected to something or someone bigger than myself.

When these needs are satisfied, you feel energized, motivated, and whole—no matter what your job title or bank account says.

When they’re not, even the most "successful" life can feel hollow.

Psychologist Shalom Schwartz discovered that everyone shares the same 10 basic values.

But we each prioritize them differently.

Think of your values like apps on your phone.

Everyone has the same apps, but the ones you keep on your home screen—the ones you open every day—are different for each of us.

Here are the 10 core values in plain language:

• Achievement: I want to accomplish things and feel successful.

• Benevolence: I want to care for and help people close to me.

• Conformity: I want to fit in and follow the rules.

• Hedonism: I want pleasure and fun.

• Power: I want influence, control, or recognition.

• Security: I want safety and stability.

• Self-Direction: I want freedom and independence.

• Stimulation: I want excitement and new experiences.

• Tradition: I want to honor and respect customs or beliefs.

• Universalism: I want to protect nature and make the world better for everyone.
  

When your goals match your top values, you feel energized, connected, and fulfilled.

When they don't, even impressive "success" can feel strangely empty.

Here’s how to put all this into practice right now:

1. Ask yourself the 3 SDT questions (Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness) about your biggest goals.
   

2. Look at the 10 values above. Pick 2–3 that feel most important to you right now.
   (Remember: your top values can shift over time—that’s normal.)
   

3. Compare your current goals to your top values.
   

   • Are they aligned?

   • Or are you chasing something because someone else said you should?

4. Course-correct if needed.
   If a goal isn’t feeding your autonomy, competence, relatedness—or your deepest values—it’s probably a goal worth rethinking.

If this stirred something in you, here are a few resources I highly recommend:

• 📚 The Good Life by Robert Waldinger & Marc Schulz
  Insights from an 85-year study showing what actually makes life meaningful. (Hint: It's not wealth or fame.)
  

• 🎙️ Alain de Botton — “A Kinder, Gentler Philosophy of Success”
  A sharp, funny take on why we chase certain versions of success—and how to define one that actually fits you.
  

• 📖 Drive by Daniel Pink
  A fascinating look at what truly motivates us once basic needs are met
  (Hint: it’s autonomy, mastery, and purpose, not money.)

The fisherman knew something most of us forget:

Success isn’t a destination. It’s a feeling.

It’s not about how many people are impressed.
It’s about how you feel when you wake up each morning.

You don’t have to climb someone else’s ladder.
You have everything you need to build your own.

Until next time, keep defining success on your own terms.

— Justin